Stream - of - Conscious

The Chalice

2011-04-11T22:51:00.000-04:00

I see this golden chalice
A chalice encrusted with sapphires that sparkles brightly
A chalice encrusted with diamonds with the clearest hue
I see the shape which contours glide into my hand

Alas this chalice brilliance draws you near
It's allure is great and fit for a king
But it's contents are a murky mud
Thick and nearly as dark as the height of night

I anxiously await my chance to pour my pitcher
Into this fine chalice
I await the chance when the chalice will be fit so that
I may pour exquisite wine or water that is refreshing as the springs of a mountain

I wonder to myself does this chalice know that it holds such an undesirable substance
Does it know the muck it contains and prefers these contents
How long must I wait to fill this small chasm
Will it be just a spell or perhaps it's eternal

Plans and Aspirations

2011-03-31T22:09:00.001-04:00

Short Term Goals

1. Save $1000 in my savings account by end of year

2. Pay myself each pay period/ (buy things for myself)

3. Join a church

4. Take a vacation by myself/ with my homeboys

5. Find a personal trainer/ fitness plan

6. Gain 25 lbs by August

7. Do holiday shopping before November or at least have my holiday money ready before the holiday season

8. Improve credit by a minimum 20 pts. by end of year

9. Find a side job (one that pays weekly preferably)

10. Migrate to USAA as my primary checking account

11. Plan Craig and Sean’s bachelor parties

12. Join a scrabble club – investigate becoming a professional scrabble player

13. Upgrade my style, prep up my look

14. Fix car up or acquire a new vehicle

Long Term Goals

1. Get married (fully settle down)

2. Read the whole bible – (front to back)

3. Produce a business venture with my closest friends (The Crew)

4. Go to a Super Bowl or All Star Weekend

5. Be virtually debt free (I would need about $8000 to complete this)

6. Get more stamps on my passport

7. Sell house and get a bigger home, may be move to another city or state

8. Get CBAP certification (need 7,500 experience hours, and other requirements based career)

9. Get a GS position

10. Open Wine bar & market – want to start process by age 35 (need a business plan, need to raise capital and need to pursue proper licenses)

11. Find a charity or organization to be part (100 Black Men Association)

12. Create college funds for both my kids

13. Gain more rank in the military – complete OCS

14. Pick up boxing class or some kind of martial arts class

Wish List

1. Buy a Fisker Karma – hybrid sedan or a Maserati Quattroporte S

2. Own a beach home, on the water

3. Go to Greece in the Spring time

4. Expand my watch collection and get a nice case for my watches

5. Invest in a nice carry –on/travel bag

6. Revamp blog and increase audience from 20 viewers to a 1,000

7. Get a travel video camera, with light and HD recording quality

8. Own a pair of overly expensive dress shoes/ loafers – Salvatore Ferragamo

9. Get a Khaki and a Navy blue suit (two-button)

10. Invest in a fancy umbrella as well as handkerchiefs

11. Get a high end laptop/tablet – 250 GB+ memory, 3 GB+ RAM, great screen

12. Get a PS3 and invest in Blu-Ray movies

13. Go to Vegas and Atlanta

14. Get a nice pair of classy sunglasses (Ray Bans, Oakley’s, etc.)

15. Go to a Lupe Fiasco, Jay Z or Sade concert

16. Get a surround system (5.1 or higher) with wireless speakers

17. Nike SB Backpack in Purple or in Black

Put it out there...

2011-02-16T14:28:00.002-05:00

I grew up with two deadbeat parents that both had the affliction of having a hard time grabbing and handling this thing called life. My father disappeared when I was about 2 years old, and though my mother was there for me, she struggled with trying to master and understand what it means to be an adult and a mother. That may sound harsh, but if you know me, that's me putting it very mildly...

I'm not going to get on some soapbox and be on some don't cry for me argentina tip. I put this out there because I think often about the man I am today, and I feel that it's amazing that I haven't succombed to any additions, ended up in jail, some kind of lunatic, dead or became an unproductive member in society in the loser statistics catergory that many young black men sadly dwell in today. Most of my life, pieces of my family and some so called friends treated me like a Jerry's kid, like I was some kind of Leper . I may hold some resentment and ill feelings toward my upbringing and a few individuals to this day but it gave me something that nobody can take from me.

The thing I'm referring to is drive. It has given me the drive to reach, and constantly persue my goals and dreams if I truly focus and apply myself to the effort ignoring the odds and obstablces. I never will be a failure or fall short. On the other hand, my upbring and life experiences spawned this very dense and very guard wall that I have put up to protect myself. If you wondering what I am protecting, it's my heart.

I have an issue with letting people get close to me, because when I let my guard down people have belittled, betrayed and left me high and dry without cause or warning. I mean I've come to a point were I see it's my burden to bear, and I recognize more than ever that we all have our cross bear. It's part of the human journey. My defenese mechanism has been to activate that wall, to become cold and distant because I knew deep down that if I kept the wall down too long, all my ill feelings would turn into hate. And hate can lead you down a real rocky road that tends to destroy you in the process.

I have been exposed for so long to so much false and fake love it's ridiculus. It's to a point to if you gave me hug or some kind of warm embrace I may not know how to accept it. Hell, I may even ask you why you did it and look at you strange. It's almost to the brink of paranoia, I know how it sounds. And It sometimes skews my views of friendship, family and relationships. But I whole-heartedly want to change this and my goal and one of my missions in life is to conquer this mountain that I have been climbing for far too long. I don't want to be a person with a huge chip on my shoulder, and make it seem like the world owes me something. And only this the world owes us is an entry into it and an exit out of it...

As I have gotten older, I have tried to address this issue one step at a time. I have learned to let people in and I have not been so quick to activate my wall when people disappointed me. My motivation is not surely just for myself but for my children, I realize that I have the responsibility of pouring all my goodness and good things I posses in to them, and doing my best to filter out my demons. I don't want my kids to go through an inklet of what I been through growing up or carry the baggage that their father has grown accustome to.

I feel have been making great strides and becoming a better man, father, and person as a whole. I mean I seee that now I have some family that really tries to reach out and be apart of my life and I have friends who somehow took on the challenge and role of becoming my brothers and sisters. And that's love, pure and genuine and that's what I need to aid me on this quest, and I value it more than my words can describe. I mean for the most part they see me for me and accept who am and who I am trying to be. To me that means a lot, because too long I felt like I was alone within myself and had no body to turn to or understand me.

I know this blog, may be a bit all over the place, but it's my thoughts and heart doing the typing and sometimes they are not completely one. My main point is that I see more than ever how the past can unknowingly set the pace of your future. The choices presented to you and the choices you make can perptuate a cycle or break a cycle. Each day I find my self just trying to make sense of it all, and I talk to God, friends and fam and they all say the same thing. They all say to hold fast, keep doing what I'm doing and no matter what lies in front of you, we will never let you fall behind or fall by the wayside. I will be successful in life and I will attain my goals. I am not my past or my circumstances. So if you are about something similar or you aren't about helping me reach that next plateau then get from round me...pure and simple. My words to you is cut cancer out before it destroys you.

God is love, much love to you and God Bless

Pros and Cons

2010-09-20T10:29:00.000-04:00

Hey this is out of the blue but I wanted to 8 mile myself.
Just thought about my strengths and weaknesses and wanted them posted.
If I missed some let me know.

PROS:

Loyal
Loving
Witty
Funny sense of humor
Tech Savvy
Well rounded in art and culture
Hardworking
Good hygiene
In shape
Educated
Sweet (not as in gay but as in nice)
Good career
Intelligent
Creative
Good sense of style
Generous
Trustworthy
Talk it and do it
Great listener
Romantic
Respectful
Great vocabulary

CONS:

Skinny
A bit of a cornball
Not very handy
Nonchalant attitude
Not close with much family
Finicky eater
Easily stressed
Inferiority complex at times
Loner/ isolate myself
Wear my heart and worries on my sleeves
Haven't quite learned how to save
Mediocre credit
Selfish with my thoughts
Kid by 2 different women
Temperament
Not very religious/ spiritual
Dislike holidays
Can't fight
Hard time asking for help

Lessons From Heaven

2010-09-07T12:08:00.001-04:00

Hey I know I blog sporadically but I am just going to lay a thought down. If you mesh with it cool, if you don't whatever; This is more for me than you.

I learned something from my son, that too me was profound and very meaningful. I am going to share it with, and I hope this comes out understandable. My one year old son can't talk but he, well at least not English yet (he trying though). When he sees me or a familiar face he lights up and runs up and hugs you. Sometimes it is geared toward him motioning to pick him up. When I look at it from the naked eye, I take it and see him just recognizing me and him knowing that I am a source of love. Moreover, from the minds eye, I see a lot more that structure a chord on me. I vigilantly watch out for not spoiling him and somehow making him too needy.

I see really that, it is deeper to the reason why he sees me and lights up or late night when he's fussing to get someone to pick him up. Basically, my son sees me as his rock. He sees me as someone he can depend on to get be there when he needs me, someone that gets him, and someone that truly loves him.
He cannot articulate what he wants but his actions speak for him mostly.

How I realized he taught me something, is a night not long ago, where he woke up and had an odd cry. I went to him after letting him cry for bit, and when I stepped into the room and noticed his eyes were closed but yet he was standing up in his crib. Soon as I took a step toward him, he said dada and stretched his hands to me. I was bit taken back, and I immediately went to him and picked up. He then clutched and latched on to my neck. He then patted me on the back as if he was consoling me, like I had waken him up or had some sort of problem. Not going to front, my eyes welled up some. I patted him back and checked him out to make sure he wasn't needing a diaper or something to eat. I realized he still never opened his eyes so just gently laid him back down and he went back to his slumber without delay.

It made me think, that everyone needs a rock. Everyone needs someone that they feel they can be there for them at a moment notice, plus an endless supply of love and understanding. Often we try to tell ourselves we don't need that we don't need anyone or that we can do it all by ourselves. Technically you can do it all by yourself or may not need anyone but you would be putting yourself at a huge disadvantage. A lot of us try to make a rock or find an anchor in a significant other, family and friends. Which undoubtingly are great sources, personally I feel the best suitor is God but that can be semantics to some.

Like I said he taught me that it is okay to need someone and how you should accept it. Also once that rock is there act accordingly and cherish that person. Furthermore, let that person know consistently that you value them, let your eyes light up and embrace that person. Not many people have a rock, and often people going through great lengths to pursue one.

Thanks for reading, I know that it is a bit much, and you could be doing better things.
I would like to say a personally thank you, for the people I consider my rock and if ever I was not your rock, my deepest apologizes and I promise to better....

Meta-Morph

2010-07-30T00:02:00.000-04:00

As we get older naturally our taste changes and as well we settle in our ways along with comfort zones.
I am just going to briefly talk about a few ways my preferences change and let me know if you can identify with them.

Back in the day, I used to rock the latest and greatest name brand clothes. Consequently, trying to keep up with the Jones will break the piggy bank. Well I used to rock Enyce, Rocawear, Sean John, etc. because that was my definition of fly. Hell, I even had velor suit (hell was I think'n) that when I wore you couldn't tell me nothing. Well now I have transition in a man who really appreciates color, fit and style of my apparel. To elaborate, I feel just as comfortable hitting target for a fresh shirt versus going to Up Against The Wall. I used to loath V-necks but now I got an arsenal. I used to think Polo's were for blancos but now I got them on deck. By no means am I bragging just giving a depiction.

Back in the day, I always and I means always drank everything other than water. I mean, water and I were at war with one another. Needless to say, water won the war, and I prefer a nice cool cup of water over any soda any day. I used to on the weekends, cop a variety of liquor and used to live off aristocrat and Burnett's vodka (don't front like you know). Well now I drink more top shelf, though it's a bit pricey my body thanks me later from the hangovers that used to beat me down.

Basically, I realized how far I came and still have soooo much room to grow. I am in less than a week about be 28, fuck I look like rocking throwbacks and baggy jeans. Not a good look...I guess when your maturity level rises, it reflect in many facets in your life. Let me know if you feel me.

Dear God 2.0 by The Roots

2010-07-27T14:24:00.001-04:00

Hey right now this is one of my favorite tracks, hell favorite albums this year (The Roots ~ "How I Got Over").
It's lovely to see emceeing with a purpose.

Here are the lyrics and check the track out if haven't already...

Dear God 2.0 Lyrics
[Into]

Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you

Dear God, I see your face in all I do

Sometimes, it's so hard to believe it...

But God, I know you have your reasons

(Uh huh)

[Verse 1]

They said he's busy hold the line please

Call me crazy, I thought maybe he could mind read

Who does the blind lead?

Show me a sign please

If everything is made in China, are we Chinese?

And why do haters separate us like we siamese?

Technology turning the planet into zombies

Everybody all in everybody's dirty laundry

Acid rain, earthquakes, hurricane, tsunamis

Terrorist, crime sprees, assaults, and robberies

Cops yellin' stop, freeze

Shoot him before he try to leave

Air quality so foul, I gotta try to breath

Endangered species

And we runnin' out of trees

If I could hold the world in the palm of these

Hands, I would probably do away with these anomalies

Everybody checkin' for the new award nominee

Wars and atrocities

Look at all the poverty

Ignoring the prophecies

More beef than broccoli

Corporate monopoly

Weak world economy

Stock market topplin'

Mad marijuana oxycotton and klonopin

Everybody out of it?

[Hook]

Well I've been thinkin' about

And I've been breakin' it down

Without an answer

I know I'm thinking out loud

http://www.elyricsworld.com/dear_god_2.0_lyrics_the_roots.html

But if you're lost and around

Why do we suffer?

Why do we suffer?

(Uh huh)

[Verse 2]

Yeah... It's still me, one of your biggest fans

I get off work

Right back to work again

I probably need to go ahead and have my head exam

Look at how they got me on the Def Jam payment plan

Well, I'm in the world of entertainment and

Trying to keep a singing man sane for the paying fans

If I don't make it through the night, slight change of plans

Harp strings, angel wings, and praying hands

Lord, forgive me for my shortcomings

For going on tour and ignoring the court summons

All I'm trying to do is live life to the fullest

They sent my daddy to you in a barrage of bullets

Why is the world ugly when you made it in your image?

And why is livin' life such a fight to the finish?

For this high percentage

When the sky's the limit

A second is a minute, every hour's infinite

[Outro]

Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you

Dear God, I see your face in all I do

Sometimes, it's so hard to believe it..

Wish List

2010-07-22T12:05:00.004-04:00

If I Had It My Way...

2010-07-09T13:37:00.002-04:00

If I had it my way, people would find slices of heaven in their lives and treasure it like priceless keepsakes
If I had it my way, my mere touch would convey all my thoughts and not need the aid of my lips to understand me.
If I had it my way, everyone would get a blank check they can cash.
If I had it my way, hip hop would have a holiday that everyone gets a paid day off.
If I had it my way, the Maybach would be easily attainable like a Honda Accord.
If I had it my way, the Fugees be rocking to this day.
If I had it my way, people would learn to free their mind and break barriers at will.
If I had it my way, your heart and mind would be one and a perfect synergy will always exist.
If I had it my way, I'd be on tour with Kanye rocking stages across nations near and far.
If I had it my way, I would be able to mend all the broken hearts and take away the pain plagues people.
If I had it my way, I would make the government give the cure to HIV/AIDS and cancer to all that needed it.
If I had it my way, George Bush would have never been able to touch the Oval Office.
If I had it my way, world hunger would be defined as what you had a taste for whenever you felt like eating.
If I had it my way, poverty would not exist.
If I had it my way, I would know the meaning to life.
If I had it my way, I would control my ability to cum like how an on/off switch works.
If I had it my way, Lebron would have went to the Celtics.
If I had it my way, I'd have learn to let the meditation of my heart be acceptable to his sight...
If I had it my way, I'd know when to quit while I'm ahead.

dismal but not bleak

2010-07-03T22:47:00.000-04:00

exposed
confused
dazed
repressed
unmotivated
pugnacious
cognitive
foreboding
sketchy
digressed
opened

(Not meant for anyone to understand, it's for me)

Short and Sweet

2010-06-28T06:39:00.000-04:00

I value a peace of mind more than anything tangible...

SoundTrack To My Life

2010-05-12T21:51:00.001-04:00

Hey I said I was going to put on here tracks that would be something like the soundtrack to my life.
I am not sure of the order and definitely left off some gems but this would definitely is me

Soundtrack 2 My Life by Kid Cudi
Mighty Health by Ghostface Killah
All Caps by MF Doom
Mama Knew Love by Anthony Hamilton
Return of the G by Outkast
Heartless by Kanye West
One Love by Nas
Prototype by Andre 3K
Crazy World by Young Jeezy
Dis Bitch, Dat Hoe by 3 6 Mafia ft Ludacris
Stressed Out by Tribe Called Quest
Believe by Q-Tip ft. D'Angelo
Only You by Jill Scott
Next Movement by the Roots
Umi Says by Mos Def
Be by Common
On To The Next by Jay Z
D'Evils by Jay Z
Let Me Ride by Dr. Dre
Kinda Like A Big Deal by Clipse ft. Kanye West
Lavish by Pharell ft. Twista
Over by Drake
Emmotional by Carl Thomas
No Ordinary Love by Sade
I'm Me by Lil Wayne

Unknown

2010-04-01T16:26:00.001-04:00

We were once punch drunk love

Heavenly sedation that consumed us

I didn’t want to be sober but somewhere in between

I mean could I be living a dream

Or is this a joy ride powered by steam

We were supposed to go the distance

But now we are distant and disgusted

Add a little bit of stress and what’s left

Somebody exiting stage right

And that aint right, I mean it’s easy bail

Like celebs in jail

We were both looking for something real

But ended up getting the red pill

And I aint going back to matrix, back to the fake shit

Someone please rescue me, my heart can’t take it see

Somebody take me out my misery

Pickin Thoughts Out The Air

2010-03-31T22:56:00.001-04:00

I haven't been blogging like I used to and mainly because things have been hectic.
Anyway, all I have on mind is just living and maintaining. Just even typing that feels a little odd, but hey that's what's I'm about. I know there is so much more to life but I think my space, excuse me in my world it's just those two spectrums.

What constitutes true happiness? Is it more tangible or intangible? Perhaps it is more of a hybrid of things, in any case I think of that Kid Cudi track "Pursuit of Happiness," and can't help but think that eccentric-sedated little man might be on to something. As I digress I just have vast thoughts of what weighs or merits true happiness. Furthermore, I put into that category of my life of living and maintaining. By far I don't think my existence is meager but lately it's becoming mundane.

Next blog is going to be the soundtrack to my life. I'm going to try to blog a list of songs with artist that I feel tell the story of my life. If I'm lucky maybe it will be in order.... Until then

Chance vs Coincidence

2010-03-18T01:50:00.001-04:00

Hey there, I haven't blogged in a minute but hey I am working on that.
I have been thinking a lot lately about destiny, fate, chance, coincidence and what not.
I'm not trying to get all metaphysical jedi mind tricks on ya but it has just been on my mind.

I feel like I am part of a giant chess game and each day represents another move. I have been lately just seeing a lot more of what my decisions do and how they affect me/those around me. (Sorry if I am getting a little cryptic) All I am getting at is that I just don't feel anymore things happen by chance or out of pure randomness, everything and everybody has a purpose. There has got to be so much more for out there, and that God has a plan for us.

If you feel me do more than lend me your ears, reply and kick some knowledge.

Cheater...Cheater

2010-03-04T20:10:00.030-05:00

Cheating is never acceptable or is it?
My coworkers and I were talking about why people cheat and if there was an acceptable excuse for cheating. Well this to me is an age old argument, that is in my opinion like the argument about the chicken and egg. Cheating is wrong in all aspects and I can say that because I have been before on both sides of the spectrum. Pretty much that's what I communicated to them, and I will just blog a bit on my side of the matter.

I see the reason why some people cheat, and it seems to me it is to fill some type of void. Furthermore, that person's significant other seemingly cannot fill that void (or so they think). Some people step out in their relationship thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Simply put it rarely is better and brief physical exchanges serve as bandages to a misguided soul.

I have heard guys cheat on their lady because they feel like their amore is smothering them, taking them for granted or a way to just get out the relationship because they too scared to share their real feelings/reservations about the relationship they in. I have heard people do it claiming that they just couldn't pass on the opportunity of a "free piece of ass." Pretty much I have heard it all. Not just from the fellas but I know women who say they cheat just because they wanted to see how it was feel, their man not acting right and to get even. Regardless the motives are never good. Often people who cheat don't really feel good about it nor is the high very long.

My real issue is with those who just do it just to do it, that one really escapes me. I can't muster a logical reason or excuse for them cats. They are truly doing them and can't hate on them except for the fact I feel for their significant other. For those people I wonder if they lack some moral codec or may be have a lack of respect for themselves and their significant other (I guess that's neither here nor there). I think that's more of an insult than a person who cheat for revenge or misguided lust. Hey that's just me. I am not condemning anyone because like I said I been (emphasis on been/ past tense) on both sides before. This is just digital banter, ya digggggg

Why is Everything for Me Bad, Make Me Feel So Good...

2010-03-02T17:30:00.001-05:00

I am sitting here thinking about how people can fall victim to addiction. I know that may sound odd, but that's the random stuff that shot through my head. I thank God everyday that I am not caught up in drugs, alcohol or any unhealthy additions. Then when I think about addiction it makes me more think about the vices I may have.

I am starting to wrap my head around the concept that maybe vices are needed. It's like you can't escape it. I think everyone has at least one. I feel sometimes you need those little guilty pleasures to like balance you out. Sadly too much can be unhealthy is my connotation. But it is so much more gratifying to let go and succumb to whatever makes you happy no matter how wrong, weird or right it is.

Personally, I think I am developing new vices or maybe just feeding the ones already there. Maybe it's an affect of taking life one dose at a time. Perhaps it can be just me growing into myself and accepting myself (flaws and all). I know I definitely have a vice of taking things and myself too serious but hey that's me.

Well for my audience don't take this blog or me too serious just oozing out some thoughts.

Take care and thanks for reading.

Don't Get Me

2010-02-19T09:25:00.000-05:00

You know the greatest gift you can give to yourself is being true to yourself. I realize that as we take this walk through life that we spend a majority guarding ourselves and putting out persona of how you want to be portrayed. Moreover, the person we try to have portrayed maybe as far from the real you as moon is to the Earth.

I'm not scolding anyone or group of people, because this process is natural. In reality you can't full divulge your true self with just anyone. The reason is because acceptance is one of the cornerstones of our existence. We have insecurities and innate fears that if we truly be ourselves that outside world won't accept us. Consequently, making you into a pariah or outcast. And sometimes the worst thing is that you can experience is the feeling of being alone within yourself. I mean like being amongst a large crowd of your peers and yet still feel like you are the last person on the planet.

So we take extreme measures or epic quest to find like souls and at the same time discover your tendency, habits and true-nature. Often a lot us feel like nobody gets you, but really I feel it's the opposite, and the evidence is in your real friends and true family. A wise person told that "your friends are a direct reflection of you" and I feel that a profound thought. The same should apply to your fam, well maybe with an exception of the drunk uncle at the cook-out lol. It sad that some people have husbands or wives who don't really know their spouse and just live with that like it's the norm. It doesn't take much in learning someone, I mean studying their quirks, their strengths, their weaknesses and just accepting them for that.

So if you people in your life that you can feel good about being yourself, continue to that and remember to treasure them!

Am I Correct

2010-02-18T16:02:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wanted to just say everything on your mind or how you feel with no regards to the receiver's emotions, thoughts, or input? I have, and it's almost everyday. However, you can't do that and truly it will always be like that. Every time I think of the term politically correct, it makes me sick. Our society and even our peers have made a culture in being politically correct.

Personally, I feel as though political correctness takes a bit away from your humanity. We are all balls of flesh, bone, and raw emotions. Sometimes a situation calls for you to express yourself without regards to anything. I mean if you in a restaurant and a waiter is giving you horrible service, should it be wrong for me to say "If you don't like your job then quit." I know it sounds a bit harsh but does not mean it wasn't needed to be said, I don't like censorship basically. How about the guy who sits by while their inconsiderate prick of a boss take credit for the guy's ideas. PC says got to your boss in a closed settings and voice your concerns in polite and diplomatic manner. In my book, put that sucka on blast in the lunch room and see where your chips fall.

I guess I see the purpose of it is to be more sensitive to your fellow man and establish a baseline of what's accept to say and what's not. Really in my eyes, sometimes I want to say "FUCK that." Maybe I am being cruel, maybe I missed when our society was more vocal and spoke out to whoever said/did something that you just couldn't over look. I don't need the government telling me what to say or craft a movement to water-down the world. We have bigger fish to fry and bigger mountains to climb.

So does Political Correctness still have a place or should it be solely based on your own merit?

Two Hands vs One Finger

2010-02-13T16:28:00.001-05:00

I am not the strongest, ass-kicking-ness type dude and I can admit that with my head held high. I admit I never learned to fight nor have had many fights in my life... I have yet to incur any serious injuries or damages as a result of my physical confrontations. But trust if the times comes (and it has) my instincts kick in and I find a means to defend myself. Furthermore, I say this to not to show a sign of weakness or be boastful, but more the opposite.

I think it takes way more strength and courage to not resort to violence, point blank. Now in that, the perfect contradiction is that sometimes you can't avoid fighting. I mean some scenarios definitely warrant a direct physical response. Like for instance the instinct to protect someone you care for in danger or preserving your own physical being. Those situations are definitely means and motive to raise your hands to fight/defend yourself, but when did become cool to get a gun and shot someone. !BANG!

The apex of this blog is really to target those would be tough guys and people who unjustly claim their right to "bear arms."

Call me old fashion, but I come from an era that if you had beef with someone you either talked it out or you took it the streets. And taking it to the streets meant it didn't involve guns, knives or any other weapons. There is so much more honor, respect, courage....hell you name it in with some one that can give an ass kickin or even take an ass kickin (situation dependent). My stance is mainly pointing out how younger generations resort to guns instead of their minds or fists. My opinion is that those who immediately resort to guns are straight pussy-z in my eyes and really should evaluate themselves to find out when and at what point they lost their heart.

Seriously injurying someone or ending another life over some stupid confrontation is just ignorant on so many levels...How can we evolve as a people, culture and society if virtually any damn person can get a gun and use it. Now I am not saying some old we need to revoke the right to bear arms, but more like people should be held more accountable because really I don't feel safe like I used because at any point or setting someone with poor aim and even poor judgement could end my life. By no means am I crawling under a rock, just wishful thinking that people would use better judgement in physical confrontations.

Please people put on ya:

People Unite

2010-02-12T12:18:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I get so disenfranchised with the world. I feel that way at times, because how society is set up.
It's like everything is set up to create division and keep people from being together than to pull us together.

I look at news articles and just every day life and you'd think in this day and age people would figure it out.
I mean racism still exist, classism still exist, and a general discourse amongst us. I mean across the world we all have the same issues, that everyone can relate to on a human level.

But then I realize the reason why is because the people that have and have not keep the divide. I may sound like an ememy of the state but I fell we should adopt some sort of communist style government where all groups and walks of life share resources, ideals and aspirations to making the world a better. Consequently, we may couldn't handle that because our divisions creates for some a means to impose their will or enforce their power and even playing field does not benefit them and there own personal motives.

I hope I don't get on some government list for this but, these our my thoughts and I wish the world would do better to join one another because in the end if "one person suffers we all suffer..."

The Business of Medicine

2010-02-06T18:33:00.000-05:00

I think I turning into one of those conspiracy nuts because I find it hard to belief that we can't find a cure of the common cold, and also other common ailments that plague us.
I read some articles recently about talking robots, and smart computers that recognize what you are thinking and you can't find a cure for the common cold.

I went to the drug isle and it was like going to the library, man it was so much medicine. None of that stuff, did not remotely cure your stuff, just only treat it. On top of that medicine aint cheap. Chris Rock had a special a while back talking about this, the man aint trying to find cures, the business is in treatment. I think it so true, just my opinion

Comfort Zone

2010-01-26T19:48:00.000-05:00

I know I used to be a victim of staying in my comfort zone. I mean, it's safe; it's familiar, and even comforting. I decided a while ago to not play it safe and really make a conscious effort to open my mind/ self to new things.

I'm not trying to get on my soapbox about this; truly I write this because today I had an interview today that meant a lot to me. I mean for the tangible reasons, it's a better position, and definitely more pay but more importantly this job is out my comfort zone. In all honesty, I don't have a lot of experience to go along with what the position entail. Also I lacked a few other requirements, but what kept me alive and a viable candidate is the fact I am willing to learn, and push myself above my own expectations to fulfill the position's needs. Moreover, the person who interviewed me saw that and I conveyed that type of commitment.

After the interview I thought to myself win, lose, or draw I feel proud of myself. I am not going to say that I don't care I get the position, that'd be a bald face lie. I can saw I take pride in getting past my fear, and stepping out the box to try to seize a great opportunity. It also got me to thinking that recently I have been keeping the promise to myself by trying more things, such as different foods, reading different books, and changing a few of my habits. It has helped me so far to be sharper and more apt to adapt to whatever comes my way.

I think at this point in my life I am realizing the importance of trying new things because I personally need the challenge. They say Leo's are creatures of habit and routine, but I don't want to portray that. I mean we all know life is short, but I know while I am here on this Earth not just alive but I'm trying to live!

Ten for Ten

2010-01-20T08:45:00.001-05:00

My goals for 2010

* laugh more.
* learn a new skill.
* don't be the bigger man all the time.
* find time to exercise more.
* listen to more real hip hop.
* blog n podcast.
* own a home.
* travel out the country.
* read 5 books.
* gain 20lbs.

Signs to Come

2010-01-14T11:55:00.001-05:00

Is it me or does anyone notice the trend of each emerging year. What I mean is each year has significant tragic events and each event seems grow in magnitude. I mean we already got in the books a major natural disaster, another singing legend passed away and another enemy that poses a threat to our country. I mean feels like the world is spinning off it's freakin axis.

I am not going to front like I am not concerned and feel a slight foreshadowing of what's to come in 2010. It sort of puts a lot things in perspective. I mean in hindsight, I feel stupid about catching road rage, complaining about my job, or not appreciating some of things that make human life so beautiful.

All I know is be watchful, be grateful and be thankful...

Just Trust Me

2010-01-12T12:13:00.002-05:00

You know I was thinking about what some key elements of a successful relationship. What I concluded is the thing I care about most is trust.

I realize that really the thing about trust is that people look for more reasons to distrust someone rather than the latter. We all fall victim of our mind telling us to look at the" tell signs" of someone abusing the trust we have invested in them. Ironically, those signs are more or less fictional and have little seeding in reality. So why even entertain it?

I will tell you why, our measure of trust is a result of how much we trust ourselves. Often we project our trust issues to our significant other. I mean this is a result of either the times you yourself misused someone's trust, past situations which you see as being "similar" or just plain in securities /fear. Now I am not making excuses for people nor stating that someone can't just being doing you wrong.

All I am saying is before you point the finger at someone look at yourself and really look at the situation. If you truly love that person and that person truly loves you then trust me, they're most likely not going to disappoint..

My First Blog

2010-01-11T16:21:00.004-05:00

I have to keep it real, and tell you I never thought I would be blogging. All this social networking sh!t is getting out of hand, but then I thought if you can't beat it join it. So this is how it's going down. The site is stream of conscious and if you have taken some sort of cracker-jack psyche class then you know that means the random thoughts you have in your mind.

So my blog is going to be some random stuff that goes in my head, how I feel, or may be my play ground for venting. Either way you're going to get a 100% of me and hopefully you might want to put your POV as well.

Thanks for stopping by, Peace!